Summer vacation. We look forward to them all school year long, dreaming of sandy toes and frozen fruity cocktails in hand while our children play freely on a pristine beach with a nanny squad on-call to take care of them while parents passes out in a luxury lounge chair next to Fabio…hey, we told you we were dreaming here.
Let’s get real: summer vacations, especially when you have an expanding family, are never as they seem. What’s your funniest or most outrageous family vacation story? Share with us on twitter @famfrenzy!
Are We There Yet?
Expectation: If we leave by 5:30 AM, we’ll miss every rush hour traffic spot this side of the Mississippi. We will coordinate bathroom breaks once every four hours to maximize driving time, the baby will sleep atleast two-thirds of the way and the children can help entertain him for the rest of the drive. They’ll probably be asleep too. Packed snacks, car games, anti-nausea medicine, portable dog bowl and leash, car charger. Good to go!
Reality: Shit! The alarm didn’t go off. Okay, if we leave now we’ll be able to make it by midnight. If we don’t stop except for gas. In a shady neighborhood. Oh no, there’s an accident on the interstate and we’re being re-routed. Are we there yet?! We haven’t even used a quarter of a tank yet kiddo…watch “Frozen” for the 585th time! The DVD players aren’t charged? Dave! That was your one job! I should have sent them on a solo trip or to their Aunt’s in Minnesota.
Home Away From Home
Expectation: Wow, this realty site has a ton of options “within walking distance” to the beach. That’s great! It’s in an all-inclusive resort too…so we’ll be saving money in the long run by spending more to be near the free amenities. They are free right? Ohhh a spacious living room, phenomenal views and is that an infinity pool? Sold!
Reality: So, I guess the infinity pool was just a regular pool cropped poorly in the photo. Oh well! A pool is a pool right? I could have sworn the website said “will sleep 12″…were they including couches and flat surfaces? Okay it will be tight but Dave and I will share the master with the twins and the baby can be in the pack-and-play. Can’t wait for that continental breakfast buffet in the morning! Oh…TWENTY DOLLARS A PERSON? KIDS UNDER FIVE NOT FREE? Well, Dunkin’ Donuts it is.
Wining & Dining
Expectation: This restaurant is not only a James Beard award winner, I have a coupon for it. It’s pricey, but if we make it for the Early Bird special the kids get free ice cream with purchase. Two birds one stone! Perfect. Since we’re eating early, there probably won’t be a wait. Let’s be spontaneous; it’s vacation! I’ve been good to myself…I may even get dessert.
Reality: Janie, what do you mean you don’t like anything on the kids menu? No…no, I will not buy you a “market price” lobster tail. If the price isn’t listed, we can’t afford it. Heck, even the prices listed here we can’t afford. Was I looking at the lunch menu earlier on Yelp? Why is everything priced by the pound? Guess I’ll just get a shrimp cocktail as my meal and eat Dave’s side salad.